譯者按：美劇《老友記（Friends）》風靡海內外，相信睇過該劇嘅觀眾都會捧腹大笑，深深感受到劇中無處不在嘅美式幽默。現時網上流行之中文字幕版本甚多，但質素參差不齊，且唔能夠盡顯原劇之幽默風趣、詼諧抵死，有如鷄肋，對不諳英語者尤甚。有鑒於此，以下譯者敢爲天下先，嘗試將佢第一集劇本嘅對白譯成粵語，忠於原劇精髓嘅同時力求糅合盡可能多嘅粵語生鬼活潑元素，嚟表達與原劇不相伯仲之粵式幽默。權當娛人娛己兼且拋磚引玉，還請各翻譯名家好手指出不當或需潤飾之處，多多斧正，不勝感激！請重視版權，如需轉載，請與譯者本人聯繫或經得粵語協會負責人同意，並註明出處。

                                         ——余OK於二〇〇六年七月廿五日夤夜急就，廿六日修改

（另：因考慮到冇安裝大字庫嘅用戶部分字無法顯示，或個別用字需特別說明，已添加括符通過拆字、標出粵語拼音或簡短概括嚟註釋；如遇有音無字則以英文拼寫或粵語拼音替代；若干已成爲粵語口語嘅英文詞彙則靈活處理如保留原詞、縮寫或音譯；人名地名等專有名詞除已有規範譯法外均予以保留不作翻譯。）

101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]

Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!

　　冇咩好講！條友祇不過係我同事！

Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!

　　唓，妳同佢出街吖嘛！同親妳出街嘅友仔都係有問題嘅！

Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?

　　好嘞Joey，積吓口德啦。噉佢有冇駝背㗎(口架)？係咪又駝背又戴假髮？

Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?

　　喂咪住，佢有冇噒(leon1音，咬之義)粉筆㗎(口架)？

(They all stare, bemused.)

Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!

　　因爲，我唔想佢重蹈我同Carl嘅覆轍啫……唉！

Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.

　　OK，大家放鬆啲。都唔算咩約會吖。兩丁友出街食飯之嘛……又唔係去搞嘢。

Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

　　我聽落覺得似約會多啲喎。

[Time Lapse]

Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.

　　好嘞，而家我返番去高中嗰陣，當時我正企喺自助餐廳中間，發覺自己原來剝晒光豬。

All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.

　　哦，係啊。都試過發噉嘅夢啦。

Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.

　　跟住我望咗望下面，發覺嗰度……有「支」電話。

Joey: Instead of...?

　　而唔係……？

Chandler: That's right.

　　冇錯。

Joey: Never had that dream.

　　未試過發噉嘅夢。

Phoebe: No.

　　未曾。

Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.

　　突然間，電話響咗起嚟。呢個時候我唔知做啲乜好，個個都開始𥄫(目及)鬼實晒我。

Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!

　　佢哋以前未𥄫(目及)過你？！

Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!

　　收屘，我諗都係接咗個電話好啲，原嚟係我老媽子打過嚟嘅，眞係非常非常之突兀，因爲……佢好日都唔打我電話。

[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]

Ross: (mortified) Hi.

　　Hi。

Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.

　　呢條粉腸同我say hi，我直頭想自殺。

Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?

　　你冇嘢吓哇，哥仔？

Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...

　　我淨係覺得好似畀人撬開喉嚨，摙住我啲腸仔，由個口度扯出嚟跟住重攞嚟纏住我條頸……

Chandler: Cookie?

　　餅仔？

Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.

　　Carol今日搬走晒佢啲嘢。

Joey: Ohh.

　　噢。

Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.

　　我幫你斟啲咖啡。

Ross: Thanks.

　　唔該。

Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)

　　哇！噢！

Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?

　　唔好，咪喐！唔好搞我啲靈氣！咪，等我啲靈氣清靜吓，好唔好？

Phoebe: Fine!  Be murky!

　　哼！繼續黑仔啦你！

Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.

　　我冇事啊，好唔好？眞係㗎(口架)，咁多位，鬼唔望佢好happy。

Monica: No you don't.

　　你唔係啊嘛。

Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!

 　　梗唔係啦，去死啦佢，係佢撇甩我㗎(口架)！

Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...

　　乜你一直都唔知佢係女同志嚟㗎(口架)……

Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?

　　唔知啊！得未？！做乜一個二個係都要盯住我啫？佢自己都唔知，我又點會知？

Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?

　　耐唔中我都幾渴望自己係女同志……乜我講得好大聲咩？

Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.

　　我話畀老竇同媽子聽喇尋晚，佢哋好似乜事都冇喎。

Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what?  A wrong number?

　　哦係咩，噉我凌晨3點鍾接到一個喊晒口嘅女人打過嚟嘅電話，發晒癲噉講「我冇孫抱喇，我冇孫抱喇」，又係咩電話？搭錯線？

Ross: Sorry.

　　對唔住囉。

Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?

　　嚟啦，Ross，睇住呢度。知你而家好痛苦喇，你好嬲，好鬼hurt。使唔使我話畀你知有乜方法解救啊？

(Ross gestures his consent.)

Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!

　　脫衣舞會！嚟啦，你而家得一支公！嚟返啲荷爾蒙醒吓神啦！

Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!

　　我唔想做寡佬啊，OK？我淨係……我淨係想再做老襯咋！

(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)

Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)

　　我淨係想要100萬咋！

Monica: Rachel?!

　　係妳Rachel？！

Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!

　　Hi，Monica！眞係要還神喇！我正話去咗你嗰沓樓但你唔喺處跟住有條友揸住個大鐵錘同我講話妳可能喺呢處，妳果然喺處，眞係喺處！

Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?

　　使唔使整杯咖啡嘆吓啊？

Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?

　　咪加咖啡因喎。OK，咁多位，呢位係Rachel，另一個林肯高中嘅死剩種。大家都喺晒度，呢幾位係Chandler、Phoebe、Joey，重有就係我阿哥Ross，記唔記得佢？

Rachel: Hi, sure!

　　Hi，梗係記得啦！

Ross: Hi.

　　Hi。

(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens.  He sits back down defeated again.  A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)

Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?

　　妳想而家話畀我哋知吖，定係等埋嗰四個濕身伴娘先？

Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.

　　頂……超，呢鑊嘢要從婚禮前約莫半粒鐘嗰時講起咯。我當是時喺揼滿禮物嗰間房，望住嗰隻鼓油艇。極之省鏡(即上鏡嘅口語滑稽講法)嘅Lamauge牌鼓油艇。突然間……係咪代糖嚟㗎(口架)？……我发覺自己受鼓油艇溝多過受Barry溝！跟住我毛管眼戙(棟音)㞘(尸豖，督音)企，噉我就大受打擊啦：Barry睇起嚟好似薯仔頭。哇你唔知喇，我係話，我平時覺得佢好眼熟，不過……唔理點，我都要趯出去㗎(口架)嘞，而且開始諗緊：我噉做係爲乜呢，我噉做又係爲咗邊個呢？懶得理佢喇反正我都唔知自己要去邊，我又諗到你同我都隔得幾遠，不過我淨係識得你一個係住喺呢個城市咋。

Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.

　　邊個冇份去婚禮啊？

Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...

　　噢，我冇諗過你有機會秋後算賬嘛。

 [Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]

Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.

　　嗱，我估佢買畀佢嘅手風琴咁大嚿，佢梗係唔鍾意啦。

Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad?  Decide!

　　吞拿魚定蛋治沙律？快啲揀！

Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having.

　　Christine有嘅我都會有。

Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!

　　爹哋，我……我唔可以嫁畀佢㗎(口架)！對唔住囉。我都話唔愛佢咯。唉，對我有影響呢！

(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)

Phoebe:  If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off.

        如果我啲頭髮甩咗，我個頭肯定會冧落嚟。

Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. Joey: I say push her down the stairs. Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey:  Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!

　　頂，佢唔應該著住嗰條褲。㧬(巩手，ung2音，推之義)佢落樓啦！

(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)

Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!

　　夠喇，爹哋，聽我講啦！就好似，好似我嘅生活噉之嘛，個個成日都話我：「妳係一隻鞋，妳係一隻鞋，妳係一隻鞋，妳係一隻鞋！」今日我閘住佢哋輪到我講：「若然我唔想做一隻鞋呢？若然我想做一個……一個銀包，你知唔知？又或者做一頂……一頂帽囉！唔係啊，我唔係話我想你買頂帽畀我啊，我講緊我係頂帽啊……打個譬如咋，老竇！

Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

　　妳睇吓佢都開始有問題嘞。

Rachel: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.

　　爹哋，睇吓，呢樣就我嘅生活嘞。哦，或者我同Monica一齊住囉。

Monica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...

　　吆，我估我哋一早諗定邊個同Monica一齊住噉喎……

Rachel: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!

　　嗯，可能呢個係我嘅決定。er，又或者我唔使你啲錢都得呢。等等，我係講或者！

[Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.]

Monica: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things...

　　呼吸，唞氣……就係噉。試吓諗多啲好嘢定吓驚啦……

 Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string.  These are a few...

Rachel: I'm all better now.

　　我好好多喇。

Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!

　　我嘅功勞啊！

Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life.  The whole, 'hat' thing.

　　好嘞好嘞，望住呢度，或者噉樣先至係最好呢，知道冇？自立啊。對生活自己揸返fit，就係嗰隻「鞋」喇。

Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.

　　重有啊，如果你有需要可以隨時搵我啊。我同Chandler住喺對面之嘛，佢經常唔喺處嘅。

Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!

　　Joey，咪搞佢啦！今日係佢大喜日子啊！

Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?

　　咩啊，有規定唔畀嘅咩？

(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)

Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.

　　唔該咪再亂撳喇吓，好難聽啊。

Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.

　　er，係我啊，阿Paul。

Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30?  Buzz him in!

　　死喇，六點半喇？快啲開佢門！

Joey: Who's Paul?

　　Paul係乜水啊？

Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?

　　Paul係咪就係嗰個酒俠？

Monica: Maybe.

　　係啩。

Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?

　　等陣。妳話妳今晚個「唔係眞嘅約會」就係同酒俠Paul出去？

Ross: He finally asked you out?

　　佢終於開口嗌妳一齊出去喇？

Monica: Yes!

　　係啊！

Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.

　　哇，呢個時辰值得大書特書啊。

Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel...

　　Rach，咪住，我可以cancel咗佢㗎(口架)……

Rachel: Please, no, go, that'd be fine!

　　咪啦，去啦，冇事嘅！

Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?

　　噉你，你掂唔掂啊？我意思係，你想我留低？

Ross: (choked voice) That'd be good...

　　噉梗係好啦……

Monica: (horrified) Really?

　　係咪㗎(口架)？

Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!

　　梗唔係啦，去馬啦！係Paul啊，酒俠！

Phoebe: What does that mean?   Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)

　　咩意思啫？佢係賣酒、飲酒，定係成日對酒諸多意見啊？

(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)

Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.

　　Hi，入嚟啦！Paul，呢位係……大家，咁多位，呢個係阿Paul。

All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!

　　嘿！Paul！Hi，酒俠！嘿！

Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?

　　唔好意思，我聽唔清你個名，係咪Paul啊？

Monica: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just--I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah...

　　OK，嗯，我即刻……我好快返嚟，我要去，去……

Ross: A wandering?

　　去沉思？

Monica: Change!  Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.

　　換衫！好啦，坐低啦。等我好快。

Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.

　　死嘞，我啱啱掹甩咗四條眼泣毛。好唔老嚟喎。

(Monica goes to change.)

Joey:  Hey, Paul!

　　嘿，Paul！

Paul: Yeah?

　　點啊？

Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.

　　醒條Tips畀你啦，佢好鍾意人哋喺佢條頸嘅同一笪地方起勢噉啜到變紅色。

Monica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey!

　　收聲啦，Joey！

Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?

　　噉Rachel你……你今晚點啊？

Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!

　　哦，我本嚟係諗住嗱嗱冧趕住去Aruba度蜜月㗎(口架)，所以冇嘢搞喇。

Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.

　　噉都好，妳重未度蜜月，死未……哦唔係唔係，不過成年嚟講，呢個時候嘅Aruba……話畀妳聽啦，有好多大晰蜴㗎(口架)……點講都好啦，如果妳今晚一個人覺得唔自在嘅話，可以join埋我哋，事關Joey同Chandler嚟我屋企幫我裝新傢俬。

Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.

　　係啊，我哋不知幾咁興奮添。

Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.  It's been kinda a long day.

　　哦，多謝你先，但係我諗住今晚都係喺度算喇。成日流流長。

Ross: Okay, sure.

　　OK，噉好啦。

Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?

　　嘿Pheebs，使唔使幫手？

Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.

　　噢，我諗我要㗎(口架)，但我唔想囉。

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.]

Phoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love...is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart.  La-la-la-la-la- (some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la...ohhh!

[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture.]

Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.

　　我諗我應該將個支架安裝喺側邊，用一拃細螺絲上實佢。但我冇支架喎，我又見唔到有千斤頂，而我兩隻腳就嚟散晒噉，衰多兩錢重添。

(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)

Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.

　　我喺度諗緊我哋個書架整好喇。

Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.

         重整得幾靚添。

Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this?

　　 呢件咩嚟㗎(口架)？

Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.

　　我諗應該講係L型支架。

Joey: Which goes where?

　　安去邊㗎(口架)？

Chandler: I have no idea.

　　點鬼知喎。

(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)

Joey: Done with the bookcase!

　　搞掂個書架喇！

Chandler: All finished!

　　收工！

Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.

　　呢罐就係Carol最鍾意飲嘅啤酒喇。佢成日倒出嚟飲嘅，我早就應該知道。

Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.

　　喂喂喂，你如果重提起呢件事，我哋唯有消失。

Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.

　　咪係，咪破壞啲咁好嘅氣氛啦。

Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?

　　Ross，等我問你一個問題。佢攞走咗啲傢俬、音響、部靚電視，你攞到啲乜？

Ross: You guys.

　　你兩兜友囉。

Chandler: Oh, God.

　　死得你吖。

Joey: You got screwed.

　　你畀人坤喇！

Chandler: Oh my God!

　　鬼整咯！

[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]

Monica: Oh my God!

　　唔係啊fa！

Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?

　　我知，我知，我好鬼蠢囉。我諗我應該喺佢開始一個禮拜去睇四五次牙醫嗰時𥄫(目及)佢實啲。你知啦，去到咁密，棚牙乾淨得去邊呢？

Monica: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it?

　　我阿哥而家都經歷緊呢樣嘢喎，佢揦手唔成勢噉。你係點捱過咗㗎(口架)？

Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-

　　嗯，你可以試吓側側膊整爛佢啲矜貴嘢囉，譬如佢嘅——

Monica: -leg?

　　腳？

Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.

　　噉都係一個辦法！我呢，我整爛佢個錶。

Monica: You actually broke her watch?  Wow!  The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel.

　　你眞係掟爛佢個錶啊？哇！我做過最賤嘅一樣嘢就係撕爛我男朋友條「飲巾」。

Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.

　　噢，殷住你至得。

Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]

　　就係。

Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me.  And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)

　　Barry，對唔住，我眞係對唔住。我知道你可能會諗噉係因爲我嗰晚同你講關於你同我搞嘢嗰陣你著埋對襪，但事實唔係噉嘅，係因爲我……唉，又自動cut我線嘞……點都好啦，我知道有個女仔肯定能夠非常幸運噉成爲Barry Finkel夫人，但嗰個唔係我，我而家亦都唔知我自己係邊個，但你都應該畀返個機會我啦。

[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]

Ross: I'm divorced!  I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!

　　我離婚喇！我得26歲就離咗婚喇！

Joey: Shut up!

　　收聲！

Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)

　　收皮啦！

Ross: That only took me an hour.

　　呢樣嘢淨係嘥咗我一粒鍾時間咋。

Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it!  I don't think that was my point!

　　嚟啦，Ross，你應該好清楚，我哋之間都重未試過有一段感情長過食曼妥思香口膠，而你呢，同一個女人保持四年嘅愛情關係，四年嚟，你兩個糖黐豆噉，但最終你畀佢飛咗重傷透埋你個心，正因爲噉我哋先唔會噉做！呢樣嘢唔係我嘅重點！

Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...

　　你知道最可怕嗰part係乜嘢？如果每個人淨係得一個女人，我意思係指你得咗一個女人之後，就係咁多。不幸嘅係喺我嘅個案入邊，淨係得一個「爲佢而設」嘅女人。

Joey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!

　　你噏乜春啊？一個女人？好似講緊淨係得一種雪糕口味啱你噉，等我話畀你知啦，出便有好多口味㗎，有蛋筒杏仁，甜酥型，特惠裝！啫喱雲呢拿。你可以搭埋Jimmy或堅果或奶油嚟食囉！呢個係有史以來對你最好嘅恩賜！你結過婚，你重好似，咩嘢，八歲？歡迎返番呢個世界!擸住隻匙羹先啦。

Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.

　　老實講我唔知自己到底係好飢餓定好亢奮。

Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]

　　快啲縮開唔好掂我個冰箱！

Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...

　　自從佢飛咗我之後，我，唉……

Monica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?

　　咩嘢啊？你想撈埋啲麵一齊講？

Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.

　　唔係啊，呢樣嘢更加係似第五次約會嘅眞情表白。

Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?

        哦，乜眞係會有第五次約會啊？

Paul: Isn't there?

　　唔會咩？

Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?

　　會……我諗會，噉你想講咩啫？

Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.

　　自從佢離開我之後，我嗰度一直都不舉。

Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry...

　　天啊，對唔住，好對唔住。

Paul: It's okay...

　　唔緊要。

Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?

　　我知道此時此刻你肯定唔想畀人噴到一面都係。噉有幾耐喇？

Paul: Two years.

　　兩年嘞。

Monica: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!

　　哇！好開心你掟爛佢隻錶！

Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?

　　噉你重想唔想第五次約會呢？

Monica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.

　　梗係想啦。

[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.]

Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.

Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference!

　　睇吓啦，但係Joanne 愛Chachi!，呢點先至係最大嘅唔同！

[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.]

Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?

　　擸住隻匙羹。你知唔知我擸住隻匙羹到而家有幾耐啊？嗰句「Bill，唔好做英雄啦」對你有冇意義？

Joey: Great story!  But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea...  Oh man, (looks to Chandler)

　　個古仔幾好！但我要走嘞，我同Andrea—Angela—Andrea有個約會。

Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.

　　Angela係尖叫者，Andrea係養貓嘅。

Joey: Right.  Thanks.  It's June.  I'm outta here. (Exits.)

　　啱聽。唔該。六月嚟喇，我閃喇。

Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)

　　你知唔知，事實就係噉。即使我有足夠能耐去嗌個女人出街，噉我嗌得邊個呢？

[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.]

Commercial Break

[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]

Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.

　　乜唔勁咩？我係話我成世女都未整過咖啡。

Chandler: That is amazing.

　　果然勁啊。

Joey: Congratulations.

　　恭喜你喎。

Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.

　　你哋知冇，我諗我識整咖啡嘅話，冇乜嘢我係做唔到嘅。

Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.

         如果我可以入侵波蘭，冇乜嘢我係做唔到嘅。

Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...

　　聽住，如果你事事順境嗰陣，又想搞搞新意思例如你扚起心肝整個西部煎蛋卷或其他，不過事實上我哋唔係咁餓。

Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.

　　天啊，Lenny同Squigy都喺度。

All: Morning. Good morning.

　　早晨。

Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.

　　早晨

Joey: Morning, Paul.

　　早晨，Paul。

Rachel: Hello, Paul.

　　哈佬，Paul。

Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?

　　Paul——啱唔啱？

(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear.  The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)

Paul: Thank you!  Thank you so much!

　　多謝妳！好多謝妳。

Monica: Stop!

　　咪噉講啦！

Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.

　　唔得，我要講畀妳知，尋晚好似係我所有生日，兩次畢業，再加埋Witness入便糧食豐收嗰一幕嘅總和。

Monica: We'll talk later.

　　我哋遲啲再傾啦。

Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)

　　好啦噉。多謝晒。

Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?

　　呢個唔係眞正嘅約會？！眞正嘅約會妳會搞邊科？

Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.

　　收聲，放返好我張檯。

All: Okayyy! (They do so.)

Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...

　　好嘞，哇鬼們，我要鬆人去返工嘞，不過即使我唔輸入嗰啲數字，都冇乜大不了嘅。

Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?

　　吓，乜你哋都有工作㗎(口架)？

Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.

　　係啊，妳知噉樣我哋先有錢買嘢㗎(口架)嘛。

Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.

　　係啊，我係演員。

Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?

　　哇！我以前喺邊度見得到你演戲？

Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.

　　我諗冇囉。主要演本地戲多。

Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.

　　噢咪住，除非咁啱得咁巧妳睇到Rerun製作嘅Pinocchio啦，喺公園入便嘅戲院仔演嘅。

Joey: Look, it was a job all right?

　　吆，噉起碼都算係一份工啩？

Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'

　　咦，Gippetto，我的而且確係個生偶偶嘅男仔。

Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)

　　你潤我唔到嘅。

Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."

　　講得啱，對唔住。「從前我係個木童，一個小木童……」

Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man.  Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)

　　妳哋兩個聽住喇，佢會死得好慘。係咪啊，Chandler？

Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay?Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.

　　你今日點啊？尋晚瞓得O唔OK ？有冇同Barry講過？我笑到停唔到口。

Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.

　　我睇得出吖。你好似含住個衣架瞓覺噉。

Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?

　　我知道，佢係幾咁，幾咁……妳重記唔記得妳同Tony Demarco？

Rachel: Oh, yeah.

　　哦，記得。

Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.

　　就好似噉嘞，而且大家有感情添。

Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.

　　噢，哇，你有麻煩喇。

Monica: Big time!

　　眞係好爽！

Rachel: Want a wedding dress?   Hardly used.

　　整返件婚紗哩？冇乜點著過個喎。

Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.

　　我諗我哋有啲過咗頭喇。好喇，好喇，我要起身，返工，唔好成日諗住佢。唔係嘅話我就要起身然後返工嘞。

Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!

　　噢，祝我好運啦！

Monica: What for?

　　爲乜事？

Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.

　　我要出去搵返份工囉。

(Monica exits.)

[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]

Frannie: Hey, Monica!

　　嘿，Monica！

Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?

        嘿Frannie，歡迎返嚟！佛羅里達點啊？

Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?

　　妳搞過嘢嚟喎，係咪啊？

Monica: How do you do that?

　　妳點知㗎？

Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex!  So? Who?

　　哦，我好憎妳啊，我一鋪牛力噉推住我阿姨Roz穿過Parrot林，而妳就喺度搞緊嘢。噉，同邊個？

Monica: You know Paul?

　　妳識唔識Paul？

Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.

　　酒俠Paul？哦，我梗識佢。

Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?

　　妳係話妳識佢就好似我識佢噉？

Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.

　　講笑啊妳？Paul重多得我添噃，話妳知啦識我之前佢嗰度經已兩年冇起過機喇。

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]

Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!

　　噉梗係作出嚟講㗎啦！

Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?

　　點解？點解？點解啲人可以做出啲噉嘅嘢？

Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.

　　我諗我哋要搵一個比「呃妳上床」更加有深度嘅答案先得喇。

Monica: I hate men!  I hate men!

　　我憎死啲男人！

Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.

　　唔好，唔好憎，妳都唔想掟佢出去污染宇宙啩。

Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?

　　係咪因爲我？係咪我好似有啲特殊號令淨係得狗同有嚴重精神病嘅男人先會聽到？

Phoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging them.)

　　好啦，埋嚟呢度，畀我摙吓妳隻腳啦。

Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know?

　　我諗住佢係個好人咋，妳知㗎？

Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!

　　我估唔到妳唔知係佢作出嚟講嘅！

(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)

Rachel: Guess what?

　　估吓乜？

Ross: You got a job?

　　妳搵到工啊？

Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.

　　你講笑啊？我啲訓練都係嘥鬼氣！今日12個面試全部都係掃地出門。

Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.

        但妳重係異常興奮噃。

Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!

　　畀著你都會啦，如果你睇到John and David靴大減價，5折跳樓價！

Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...

　　噢，妳都幾了解我噃……

Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!

　　呢對係我「我唔使工作，我唔使我屋企人，我買咗對正鞋」嘅鞋！

Monica: How'd you pay for them?

　　妳用咩畀錢㗎？

Rachel: Uh, credit card.

　　信用卡囉。

Monica: And who pays for that?

　　噉又係邊個入錢落張卡度㗎(口架)？

Rachel: Um... my... father.

　　呣……我……阿爸囉。

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table.   Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]

Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary?  I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.

　　得喇，你哋幾個，噉樣係咪眞係好有必要啫？我係話，我隨時可以閂緊水喉㗎。

Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.

　　積極啲啦，妳唔可能成世都靠父母養。

Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married.

　　我明白。所以我要結婚囉。

Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.

　　畀佢唞吓啦，第一次食自己確實係難咗啲嘅。

Rachel: Thank you.

　　多謝。

Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.

　　唔使客氣。我好記得我第一次嚟到呢座城市時嘅情形。嗰時我得14歲，我阿媽啱啱自殺，我繼父又入返監倉，我嚟到呢處，一個人都唔識。卒之我同嗰個鍾意喺港務局外嘅擦擋風玻璃嘅白化病友仔住埋一齊，跟住佢又自殺，後嚟我就搵咗香薰按摩呢份工。所以信我啦，我完全明白你感受。

(Pause)

Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...

　　估計你跟住就會講……「點都好啦」。

Monica: All right, you ready?

　　好嘞，準備好未？

Rachel: No.  No, no, I'm not ready!  How can I be ready?  "Hey, Rach!  You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?"  Come on, I can't do this!

　　未未未，我冇準備，我點可以準備？「喂Rach！妳準備好唔著降落傘跳落飛機未？」唔好啦，我做唔嚟㗎(口架)。

Monica: You can, I know you can!

　　妳得㗎(口架)，我知妳得㗎(口架)！

Rachel: I don't think so.

Ross: Come on, you made coffee!   You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)

　　係咯，你識整咖啡！妳乜嘢都可以做到！

Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...

　　加油，剪，剪，剪……

All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)

Rachel: Y'know what?  I think we can just leave it at that.  It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...

　　你哋曉唔曉？我諗我哋都係放返好佢啦。祇不過係象征性動作啫。

Monica:  Rachel!  That was a library card!

　　Rachel！嗰張係借書證啊！

All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..

Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.

　　妳知唔知，假使妳豎起耳仔聽一聽，妳會聽到成百上千嘅店主尖叫緊。

(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)

Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!

　　歡迎嚟到現實世界。佢係好鬼曳㗎(口架)，跟住你會愛上佢！

[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]

Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?

　　好，睇完嘞，你想喺梳化度瞌眼瞓啊？

Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime.

　　唔係唔係，等陣我要返歸喇。

Monica: You be okay?

　　你冇乜事喇吓哇？

Ross: Yeah.

　　嗯。

Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What?

　　喂，Mon，睇睇我喺地底執到啲乜嘢，係咩？

Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.

　　係阿Paul嘅手錶，妳放返喺原處就得嘞。細路，好嘅，早唞，咁多位。

Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.

　　早唞。

(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.)

Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-

　　呣，唔好唔好……

Rachel: Sorry-

　　唔好意思……

Ross: No no no, go-

　　咪啦咪啦，妳要啦……

Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it-

　　唔好，你飲啦，眞㗎(口架)，我唔係幾想要……

Ross: Split it?

　　搣開佢好唔好？

Rachel: Okay.

　　好啊。

Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.

　　妳可能有所不知喇，高中嗰時，我，呣，好想溝到妳。

Rachel: I knew.

　　我知嘅。

Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.

　　妳知啊！哦……我成日諗住妳認爲我祇不過係Monica嘅傻仔阿哥。

Rachel: I did.

　　我係噉認爲㗎(口架)。

Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?

　　聽住，你覺得……當然唔好驚住我嘅弱小心靈會受到打擊啦……不過你覺得我嗌妳一齊出街合唔合適？有時，可能？

Rachel: Yeah, maybe...

　　嗯，可能……

Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...

　　OK……OK，可能我會嘅……

Rachel: Goodnight.

　　早唞。

Ross: Goodnight.

　　早唞。

(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)

Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you?

　　拜拜……等等，你冇嘢喇啩？

Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)